Novice tells white men how to fight.
Image 1: Copied from Wikipedia Commons on 4 May 2023.
Tucker Carlson once again shocked the world by revealing he is a secret master of the White Man's fighting style. Using his typically subtle pattern of releasing secret data via mandatory disclosure in courtrooms, Carlson provided his “expert” commentary on a fight. Watching the video of a fight between one ANTIFA extremist vs. three Trump extremists, Carlson’s sharp and vastly inexperienced eye caught the failures in the application that only years of Hollywood misinformation can train one to do. Tucker quickly noted how the three Trump extremists failed to follow the typical action hero close combat fighting techniques. Tucker pointed out that all three attacked simultaneously, which is a huge taboo in action movies. “The honorable technique is to approach the target one person at a time!” stated Carlson. “When they gang up on the one guy like that, it breaks with a long-standing norm of the action hero fighting code.” “What makes it worse is that the three guys were all white men. I mean, didn’t they learn better during grade school? Clint Eastwood must be rolling over in his grave!” When our Worm’s Eye View reporter pointed out that Mr. Eastwood was still alive, Mr. Carlson looked bewildered but didn’t respond. Tucker did take a moment to elaborate further on the proper fighting styles of well-trained white men. Our reporter captured some of Tucker's demonstrated techniques for about five minutes before becoming too winded to continue. Image 2 below captures what Tucker described as the correct white man to white man starting to fight position.
“You should be looking straight at ‘em, with your whole body, to crank up the intimidation factor! This is accompanied by loud noisemaking and sometimes chest thumping (situationally dependent). The next stance is the in-your-face, where both white men bump chests in a display of dominance and get close to each other's faces but remember never to get so close you might accidentally kiss! That would destroy the whole ambiance!” Tucker then wandered off to tweet about his potential new career teaching white men how to properly fight other white men. He was heard mumbling out loud about how will white men succeed in the coming apocalypse if they didn’t know how to fight.
Image 2: Copied from Wikipedia Commons on 4 May 2023.